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A Look Behind the Scenes of the Story Behind the "The Letter"

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[Saturday, 02/April/2022]

For the best experience, please click "play" on the video above for some incredibly moving vocals and instrumentals while you continue to read below.

In June of 2021, I was granted the incredible opportunity to help out a friend in her time of need.  Because, after all, isn't that all it really was?  My friend was in a dire situation - granted, yes, she had passed away - and someone Upstairs tapped me on the proverbial shoulder and asked if I'd mind helping her out.  I think I did what most anyone would do in that situation and ultimately said “Yes".

What happened from there still boggles my mind.  And as time goes by, I remember less and less from the actual "experience" itself, but the parts that remain will forever be intertwined into my soul and my being.

Some might ask, did you feel any different after all this happened and Ruthie went on to be in Heaven?  For a time, yes, most certainly.  But not always in the "good way" some might expect.  In fact, there's been a lot of pain and misery along the way for both me and my wife since the time I wrote the letter until just recently when I first started seriously contemplating [again] putting "the letter" on the web for others to hopefully benefit from.

Huh?  No way!  You basically did this job for the Man upstairs and you even said all those folks up there in Heaven were joyous about Ruthie making it to Heaven and you're saying your life hasn't changed in some incredibly positive way?  Well, yes and no.  There have definitely been some positive things like the birth of a new grandchild since that time - Yay!  Perfectly healthy.  Thank you God! :) 🙏🏼 - but we've also had to deal with some pretty significant health concerns since that time as well.  That not only includes a hospital stay for one of my close family members, but also a fairly significant mental and emotional toll on me following all of this.

It's not easy going through an experience like this and not come out unscathed.  It takes a toll on you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  Yes, that's right.  I said spiritually.  That's probably the opposite of what you might have thought I'd say but the truth is it's not always a pleasant experience like you might expect.  And that even went on for months after I wrote the letter.  Many months in fact.  With more days leaning on the depressive side than happy I'd say for sure.

So, that probably begs the question.  If you had your choice would you do it all over again?  In a heartbeat I would!  Absolutely I would if I was given another opportunity.  I would just pray that if it were to happen again, next time I would be better prepared and ready for whatever might come next.  Oh, and I'd be sure to let my wife in on things much earlier in the process.

So I want to touch on something that some of you may be wondering about.  Because it certainly is something that my wife has wondered about and even broken into tears about and that is the whole "eyes" thing and whatever was going on between Ruthie's soul and mine.  In fact, I'm sitting here on my couch now and my wife's in the chair next to me and I just got through saying to her that I have no idea what that was about or how to even approach it in this epilogue.  So she just told me, “Why don't you just say that then?"  Huh, hadn't thought about that!  Quite truthfully, I don't understand it.  Even still to this day I don't get what the whole "More interaction went on between our eyes - between our souls - in those brief moments than words could have ever expressed" part of the experience described in the letter was all about.

Let me also provide a bit of additional background information on this part - "Disclaimer: This actually happened to Ruthie and me once before but is not relevant to this discussion."  I didn't include the previous time this occurred because it just didn't seem relevant at the time.  But since this is an epilogue, let me go ahead and cover that now.

Many, many years ago, right before my wife and I got married, I went to Ruthie and my best friend's apartment.  I hadn't seen either of them in years by this point and after I greeted both of them and hung out for a while, Ruthie and I slipped out and walked around a bit and headed towards the back of their apartment complex where there was a water feature (kind of a mini-lake with water fountain) and as we were hanging out, we stopped and started staring at each others eyes from a distance of about three feet for what seemed like eternity (but I'm sure was actually seconds) but neither of us said a single word.  Before we did say anything, my friend came out and something else came up.

*** Again, let me stress this, Ruthie was not a “love” interest.  Nor did I feel that this was a romantic "stare off" or any such thing.  As I mentioned in "the letter", we both had a deep protection for each other.  Especially her when it came to me i.e. I was about to get married, and she was effectively staring me down to make sure that I was 100% sure about getting married to my wife (I was, and still am, btw 100% sure I made the right choice to marry my wonderful wife and best friend ***

So, you see where I'm trying to go there?  Ruthie was almost more like a little sister to me than anything else.  And she was fiercely protective of me.  She was a really good friend.  A very good friend who I still miss to this day (but, at least I now know she's in a much better place).

But, you know who's a better friend to me than Ruthie was or anyone else?  Wanna guess?  That would be my best friend, my wife who I married shortly after the "stare off" with Ruthie at her old apartments.

I have no idea if any of this will reach even one person, but as they say, if even one person is changed by this "message" of sorts, I think I'll feel like I've done my job.  My job you may ask?  Well, since July of last year after I dropped off "the letter” with the Catholic priest, I can't tell you the number of countless times I've started and dropped the decision to publish the site.  SO many iterations, different domain names, different formats, different aliases (like not using the real nicknames at all), different everything.

And so many times, miserably giving up on it after some time.  Which naturally would lead me to become even more depressed.  But the biggest reason why I never "pulled the trigger" on publishing anything to the web before this was that I always told my wife that I would never publish anything about this to the web without her approval.

Problem is, even if she had yes, it never would have been "her decision", you know what I mean?  The times I'd bring up the possibility of publishing it she would break down in tears because just the thought of the whole "eyes" this and "soul" that would break her heart.  That, and to be completely honest, early on in the "process" (Friday, June 4, 2021 to be precise), I made a serious, serious mistake...

Do I dare talk about this?  YES, I do dare to talk about this because I owe it to me wife to be transparent to my audience (even if only 1 person ever reads this site).

On that FIRST night, the night before I had the feeling that mine and Ruthie’s souls had almost seemingly become "conjoined", I had a very strange experience while lying on our family room couch.  It was like I was in a somewhat dream state - you know, where you're like half asleep and half awake? - and started having these lucid thoughts/ideas/impressions of these soul-type connections and how me and Ruthie might have been connected by some long-ago established means even before my wife and I were married.

My wife asked me what I was thinking about, and I swear I got a "message" as clear as day, "Do not tell your wife what you are thinking about without first talking with a priest".  Clear as day!  So I kind of waved her off the first time she asked.  Then she asked the question again, "What are you thinking about?"  So what did I do?  The second time I answered her exactly what I was thinking about.  This came out of my mouth to the effect of [paraphrasing] "What if God had connected mine and Ruthie's souls together long before we [my wife and I] ever got married?" (that is NOT how I meant for that to come out)

You wanna know what that "voice" in my head said this time?  [Again, clear as day].  One word..."Dumbass!"  Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass!  If I could take anything back that I've said in probably the last 10 years, it would be that one stupid answer when she asked me what I was thinking about.  That one answer has caused more pain for my wife since last June than I'd like to remember.  And for that I am so, so sorry.  Sorry sweetie!

But, the good news is, TODAY - as in "today" April 1, 2022 - and NO this is NOT an April's fools joke - my wife and I finally made some significant strides in healing that wound.  I/we still have work to do, but the fact that TODAY she also said she was finally "good" - well, at least comfortably enough OK - with me publishing the site, I feel so relieved!  So TODAY (Apr 1, 2022 now Apr 2, 2022) is the day the site will be published.

Now, what do I do after it's been published?  Simple!  Spend the weekend with my wife and enjoy getting outside and enjoying "life" for quite possibly the first true time in the last few months.

One last thing...I want to leave you all - again, hopefully at at least one person sees this site and it does something for them - with one last song.  This one may make you cry if you're not careful.  It's all about not taking life for granted, spending time with those close to you and telling them "I love you"!

Thank you so much again for taking time to read this.  Again, my hope and sincere prayer is that this lifts up your day and maybe brings a little hope and peace your way!  Never, ever forget, God loves you!  And He wants the best for you, your families and your friends.